Author: steveharvey55

Pulse 120

steveharvey55

Back in hospital today to see my key nurse Emma. The side effects of my blood thinner mean I am short breath and high pulse rate.

Looks like I am going to be able to come off the blood thinner tablet.

But first I have to have a ECG and wait and see what Jason wants to do with me.

Earlier I had my bloods taken as my glucose level was high and it could mean I’m diabetic.

Yesterday I went to see my doctor at Lilliput surgery to discuss my pulse rate she is caring and helpful amongst other things, I was able to have a ECG there which she managed to squeeze me in, conclusion was beaterblockers and change my blood thinner tablet.

Now I waiting to see the next move as a friend said on Sunday I’m 2-1 down it’s the second half bring it on.

Stats today feeling 6/10

Sad as I have stepped down as chairman of the hammers

Music today anything Stormzy

Quote live each day as it’s your last.

A special thanks to all my family kim💕. Andy James Cliff tribe joey toghill.

A Number in a Tick Box

steveharvey55

Today, back to chemo, which really is getting like a convenience to turn up and tick the boxes. frustrated. Bloods okay yesterday, but are you diabetic? I only ask because your glucose is high. no mention of the calcium factor, obviously forgotten that. But, by the way, next time you’re in we want to test your glucose with you fasting. when i arrived today my pulse was 99 – is that usual Mr Harvey? No. is there anything I can do for it? No answer as per usual, let’s move on.

Thought we were having two chemo today. our info card for bookings told us we were, but somebody else had a different opinion. Right or wrong we are not sure as we are not given the information. Just get on with it and tick the boxes. Funny that I seem to experience extreme anxiety whenever I have anything planned to do, be it a small meeting or going to a place, it just seems to overwhelm me. Is there anything I can take for this? No answer. So, all in all, the past couple of weeks since Christmas has been indecisive. I still don’t have a real plan as to how we are moving forward I only have a brief knowledge of what we have ascertained together.

My weight has now dropped to 78kg. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone suggested a dietitian to me to add weight, or maybe I’m not supposed to add weight but just shrink. I don’t think so. My hair is still there, or thereabouts. I find it interesting every time I ask a question that needs a reaction there’s no answer, seems as though I’m ticking all the right boxes, but out of the boxes I am ticking 70% are not answered. I need help with the anxiety. do i go back to the dr? I struggle to walk. but i’m not sure the reason i struggle. Is it in my head. the anxiety needs to be addressed because I am sure this would help my demeanour. yes, i’m still positive and fighting but i don’t know what.

today before the chemo, i tested me swagger out, and it’s still there LOL. My size 36 trousers are now 34″.

we’ve had the reply from the Marsden, which has given me hope. we still need to follow up on diagnosis, has it changed. Hopefully Dr Chau will pick that up soon and Kim is emailing him.

all in all christmas was great, but it seems years away.So here we are, first week into January with no clear plan on how to move forward all we know is we are trying to fight something we don’t know what.

mood today 6/10.

song of the day: stand up for your rights bob marley

second bonus song: Billy preston – we go around in circles

thanks for all the messages and all who’ve come to visit me. much appreciated.

quote: “don’t pat a burning dog”

if you haven’t already, please donate to Maytree.org.uk

Confused by time and understanding.

steveharvey55

Sunday the 22nd December 10am CT scan day,although this is my third CT scan i have only just realised that its not the procedure but the mental side that gets me. the procedure is straight forward. 1…………..have cannula fitted. 2………………………. CT room large white room lots of staff waiting for you,forgot to say remove clothes and put on gown,you then lay on the bed that moves backwards and forward into the tunnel they start attaching the pipes for the procedure tell you that firstly you are injected with a die to identify the areas in question, then you will experience a lead taste in your mouth and a warm sensation in your body this last a short period, everyone clears the room into the viewing room the hole procedure takes about 20 mins.Go home then the apprehension starts what will the results say has my count gone done now blood count 2400 .

Monday 23rd Dec Second opinion private appointment (PMI) Royal NHS Marsden Sutton Consultant Dr Chau goggle him impressive

As we pulled into the car park i was in ore of the size of the hospital at least 6 times the size off Poole and its just for cancer. once we went thought the checking in formalities into the waiting room to meet Mr Chau.

This is how it went in my words without punctuation sorry weesa………………………………….

Kim and myself walked into a small room to be meet by Dr Chau and a nurse, smart dressed in blue suit with stethoscope round his neck immediately his smiling face put me at ease i trust this man.

Question time,name all the operations you have had,do you or have you ever smoked, Drink how much,what i did as a job, When were the first systems June 16th,what happened pains in my right hand side and tiredness went to A&E could find anything sent home went back to doctor and eventually sent for ultra sound 4th October,results 7th October oncologist consultant appointed 25th October then biopsy of liver, CT scan not sure of date, chemo plan agreed date to start Monday 18th November.

Now the interesting part……………………I have reviewed your records the treatment you are receiving is much in line with what we would be giving seeing you blood count is dropping, but as your calcium is rising its is unlikely to be pancreatic cancer as this doesn’t increase calcium more likely bile duct cancer with secondary liver cancer so the second chemo drug i would change but lets see how things go and review in 3 months i did point out that i might not be around then he then replied these are percentages not people. Things we would like to revisit is your biopsy of the liver not enough information we would ask your insurance company Vitality if the would fund the more in depth biopsy in more in depth.

Footnote a written letter will be in the post in early January. Never did Dr Chau give me any negative vibes his knowledge persona made me fill 100 dollars, we drove home with a buzz and hope not a lost cause. as we got in the car to drive home my phone rang it was Poole hospital we need to see you tomorrow xmas eve we have your CT results my heart sank.

Tuesday 23rd December 10AM they had to find a room specially for me the consultant had come in to see me specially.

Consultant and key nurse Emma my main contact started to tell me sorry its not good news your blood count has risen from 2400 to 3600 the chemo isn’t working my heart dropped,then she said we could stop all treatment what negative vibes, i said im not easy to kill, consultant said my persona doesn’t demonstrate a man with these systems.

So the plan now to change my treatment to bile duct cancer one new drug Carboplatin and carry on with Gemcitabine starting 31st December subject to bloods which passed.

Tuesday 23rd PM start getting my head ready for all the family to arrive but i cant this morning meeting killing me not physically but mentally what if this what if that who do i believe Mr Chau or Consultant a Poole who both are try to do the right thing.

|Christmas day came and went spent a good part of the day reminiscing in bed wees and kim popping in.Kim Gina and the gang cooked for 17 people and as normal Kim pulled it off. Yes i did have a wonderful Christmas if i spent time in bed it was my way of coping im learning this alot now.

Saturday 28th Hammers V Brendan & Reggie’s (much respect to these two i should have never let them go) Portland a must we have recently not been at our best against them. Unfortunately i didn’t make. Result Hammers 3 Portland 2 smile., these boys now how to lift you.

Tuesday 31st Chemo day no expectations numb,took tablets sickness 4 blood thiner 1 steriods 1 rattle rattle. Dont know what to expect as all has changed but so far so good.

Wednesday 1st January 2020 slept well no coughing problems.Spent the day writing this update to blog not dressed yet LOL.

Expectation lots.

Waiting for letter from Dr Chau did manage to get a email to him to update Tuesdays news of coarse Kim’s work.

Our wedding anniversary is the 22nd January 43 years yes 43 years wow next goal .

To enjoy every day.

Housekeeping

Score today is a 7/10

Hair no 1 all over.

Music dedicated to Mum, Kim, James, Elinor, Weesa, Louisa.

Isley Brothers…………………………………….FOR THE LOVE OF YOU.

CBT Oil………………………………………………….Yep still going strong although some days are challenging lol.

Thought for 2020 if someone says it cant be done believe challenge don’t do not except.

i have decided to name a charity that saved our hope and faith, which brought my weesa on the road to where she is today please if you want to do anything donate.

http://www.maytree.org.uk

Next Chemo Tuesday 7th Jan

A Guest Post and a Request

steveharvey55

When the trees were looking barren in March 2008, yet to adorn their branches with blossom, and the darkness had gone on too long for me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, I sat in a huddle on a Cambridge street in the rain, weeping. I must have looked rough because some kind soul came and thrust a fiver into my hand. I tried in vain to tell them I didn’t need it and so with money in my pocket I felt poorer than I’d ever been. Even that momentary kindness didn’t reach me.

Mental health services wouldn’t help me and I was unravelling fast. With the ounce of hope I had left I called a crisis centre in London. They explained that a crisis admission could take months to happen, which seemed rather absurd, however, they told me about another place in London that offered ‘sanctuary for the suicidal’. The word sanctuary captured exactly what I felt I needed. Somewhere safe and welcoming. I called Maytree Respite Centre immediately to find out more. Based in leafy North London, in a beautiful house, they explained that they offered a free 4 night stay to suicidal people from all over the country. Volunteers were present 24 hours a day and there were therapists there to talk to, too. You could come and go as you pleased, which felt important so that I wasn’t trapped. After an assessment, I took up their offer of a stay.

What I found in this wonderful place was kindness and care of the most basic and vital kind. They sought to make genuine connections with the guests, each of whom had their own cosy bedroom, and didn’t flinch away from the despair and hopelessness we each carried there. You would be forgiven for thinking it might be a depressing place, but it was quiet and containing, and, well, ordinary. It was special for me because it didn’t put you in a bubble from the outside world as hospital can do. You were there because there was a tiny part of you that wanted to survive the unbearable and all of the volunteers and staff were invested in listening out for that as well as fronting up to the desperateness of the situation.

It wasn’t a cure, and I still struggled afterwards, but they helped me to find long-term help, which, ultimately, I owe my life to as well. It is the help that set me on the path I am on now, the help that truly helped. The compassion and empathy of the people at Maytree enabled me to hold on that bit longer. I urge anyone who is feeling suicidal to check them out because they have saved many lives. They also run a help-line service for anyone to call day or night. Their number is 020 7263 7070.

That inner darkness has given way to hues of colour, which are not all rainbows and glitter, but real tones that are as varied as the trees through the seasons.

Dad has asked that we fundraise for a mental health charity and I couldn’t recommend one more than Maytree. They are a small and unique charity and we need more of them around the country. Please give anything you can to keep them running. And if you need their help and want to talk to someone about it, then you call on me anytime, too. It’s important to pay it forward, I think.www.maytree.org.uk

Game on passed for chemo.

steveharvey55

Some more liquid nectar boy have I missed you.

12 noon my veins get 2 hours of high octane chemo.

Let the battle recommence,in my corner the Red cells in the other corner the White cells.

Round 2 bit like Wimbledon v Liverpool in the FA Cup 🤛

Speak later.

Chemo going well but…………..calcium was high back in at at 9.15 tomorrow more drugs, then CT scan next Sunday.

Why the fu-k

steveharvey55

Everyone who knows me knows I’m not a quitter.

So why why why am I accepting this shit.

Ever since I was told you can’t do that I did it.

Done some crazy things when I was told I couldn’t but always done it.

So when someone tells me I have cancer and you won’t recover I accept it, fuCk that.

I have never done what I have been told and I’m not about to start.

Thank God I have Kim to fight my corner, we are now going for a second opinion at the Marsdon hospital in London.

I’m getting my shit together.

TBC.

Missing.Week 3 Wednesday third coarse chemo Cancelled.

steveharvey55

Liver not happy therefore week off from Chemo

Since week 2 i have noticed a change, my stomach seems to get cramps and it needs a hot water bottle to calm it down, going to ask the nurse to day if they can help.

My weight is down today 79KG

Hair still intact infact Friday Corral cut my hair and it looks good no great.

Missing because thats how i feel at the moment, i seem to be getting more grumpy with people who really don’t deserve it.

Last week managed to get out each day for fresh air and a small walk went football on the saturday really enjoyed that apart from the result.

If i had a bucket list FA Vase would have been on it, i’ve been to Wembley twice in the Vase & trophy as a guest of Steve Whittle from DCFA thanks steve i loved it.

Monday and tuesday have been hard although i feel much better today.

Tuesday my Weesa came down from london on the coach as the trains were on strike’ we spent the afternoon watching the film A Good Year.

Me prompting whenever there was a quote,

Why does Lawrence like the desert ” because its Clean”.

Tip ”Dont pat a burning dog”.

Kim is there every minuet looking after me giving my daily doses of Cannabis oil and love xx.

I miss my old self .

After today’s chemo i think i have a meeting next FRIDAY 13Th (lucky number) to see how i’m doing with my doctor, potentially i have another three coarse starting the following week’ but thats subject to my bloods reacting to the chemo i think.

More questions to be asked so far my Doctor has been honest and truthful which i cant ask any more.

One question is playing with me now i have given up meat CUMBERLAND SAUSAGES.

If theirs no point why not!!

Chemo in the black bag usually takes a three hours to drip feed into my body then home.

So today at a loss really wanted chemo today but not to be.

Trying to think of a song that sums up today.

Jimmy Cliff : there are more questions than answers.

Quote: Worry is a misuse of your imagination.

Inside out.

steveharvey55

That’s how I seem to be thinking.

The past few days with the chemo cannabis inside my body wooshing around I seem to be a bystander, externally still good shape lost some weight now 80kgs got all my hair so far, and can string a sentence together.

Last week was a waiting game relaxed slept and chilled not knowing what to expect.

Now we are on week 2 of chemo Wednesday had bloods taken Tuesday all ok phew.

hopefully this week will be a bit more active Monday kim and myself went to London on the train to meet wessa walked round the south bank had lunch and really enjoyed myself.

As we talk the Developement squad are beating sway 8-1 😀

Not knowing what the next coarse of chemo will bring .

hopefully i can be a bit more active if not listen to your body.

This Saturday we are home in the FA Vase against Plymouth Parkway why not come on down 3pm Ko it might be my last FA Vase game 🤞not.#upthehammers.

we have a new arrival James and Dom are pleased to announce the arrival of Winston the German Sheppard puppy xx

Another red letter day is the hammers date with Dorchester town fc 3rd December at there place dorset senior cup 2 leagues above us, at one time I thought we were going to be called there reserves, they still admiring our squad,so no pressure DTFC.

Thanks to everyone’s kind words or likes on Facebook

If you have any questions please ask.

Music tonight weesa Bob Marley: Two little birds.

Saying Believe

Night kim James Dom emma weesa Winston xx