I'm dying. I know because the physician has stopped asking me about my health and begun discussing the weather
It’s with sorrow that we post this to say Steve passed away this morning (12/10/20) with Kim right by his side as always.
As you may know he loved his music. If you feel like it, play this song for him today
Didn’t I blow your mind this time by the Delfonics
He blew my mind – he was the best dad I could ever wish for.
Love from Louisa, Kim and James x
Not sure where to start but here goes Friday 12 June daytime I was fine, went to bed normal time but around 1am I had terrible stomach pains so much so Kim called a doctor out I have never had constipation but that was the problem, anemia later all seemed a little better,but come 10am an ambulance was called, things then went from worse to worse,the ambulance crew were with me for two hours I had now started shaking uncontrollably me still thinking there was nothing wrong with me, I got up and went downstairs I understand the crew phoned the cancer ward and they said to bring me in.
The rest of Saturday was a blur I honestly can’t remember much.
Sepsis was the opinion my blood pressure at one time was 75-57 and the doctor said she would do all she can but it could go the other way, the following two days I was on a drip 24 hours a day having vitamins and antibiotics, blood pressure is now around 120-76 which is normal.
Durleston Ward staff doctors and nurses I owe them a special thanks and Jason on the cancer ward.
Went home on the following Tuesday feeling great only to end up back in hospital on the Friday with a high temperature, spent the next day in hospital more tests but felt ok went home on the Saturday.
My temperature has peeked twice since paracetamol brings it down generally feeling ok now.
Swollen ankles and legs don’t seem to get any better, still not walking well, my voice is poor but my mind is strong.
Conference call tomorrow with professor Bridgewater been taking pills now for a month no significant change but do feel thing could be getting better just need to look after myself.
Music:- kept me going whilst in hospital over and over again Tevin Champbell- Can we talk
Thanks for all the messages just taking each day as it comes.
Kim Wessa Jimmy what a team don’t know what to say wouldn’t be here without them xxxxxx
As I said I have nothing to say but as normal I have RB and LJ your right.
CT Scan tomorrow in the main hospital to see how my Cancer has progressed or not 
,not sure how this will work as it’s probably wheel chair time as I’m beening weened off my steroids and not sure if I can walk to the scanner.Then there’s the canular last week it took an hour to fit,hopefully it will be ok.
My day get up 10am kim helps dress me breakfast if it’s sunny sit in the garden feed the pond fish rest legs as they like balloons.Lunch sleep dinner bed.
My voice croaky but thanks for the phone calls appreciated. My dreams for these bloody magic pills to turn up.
Now of to bed to climb drag whatever the 14 steps to bed have for me.
15/4/20 a Wednesday afternoon the suns out.
Last weeks chemo went OK but as it seems this weeks didn’t my plates (Bloods) were not up to another session this week so Tuesdays chemo was cancelled Parr for the coarse it seems hay ho another day in paradise. My next chemo is 28th April and on the 27th i speak to my consultant Rachel all first names now as my destiny is in her hands.
Motivation is and has been hard especially when you are trying to be Howard Hughes keep out of the way off this Corona disease, yes i have a garden which helps and yes the hospital is being run like a military lock down , my treatment is now at the private hospital the Harbour just across the road same great team of nurses can’t praise them enough.
Exercise seems to be an excuse swollen plates of meat all you have to do is put them up don’t listen!!
Me hobsons choice seems to have given up so i might train as a tick tack man at the races.
Apples and Pears could be a mountain as far as i’m concerned there are 14 steps to get me to bed, hand rail in one hand i pull myself up lay on bed i made it.
Now the moral of this story yes ive got cancer not sure who’s winning red or white cells but i seem to have added fear, fear to do anything until the ”hand on my back” reminded me that…………i can walk more than 5 feet climb stairs, there are by ways so get on with it………….
Har har the hand is right, so what do i need…………………..tools, help,support…………………………
No Stormzy, James Brown, Luther Vandross,MUSIC.
So iphone in one hand i set off to explore the garden one leg in front of the other starting with Shut up through to big for your boots,wow it ant hard this walking now the man, only one song 15 minuets long SEX MACHINE James brown i went up the alley inside the house even made some stairs had a sit down a few times but that’s not a problem im moving, now its Mr Vandross NEVER TO MUCH little dance up the alley way round the garden sit down now to write the blog steps today 1182 against 77 yesterday this included homes under the hammer a place in the sun ect ect LOL
One other bit of news the hand and myself contacted Professor Bridgewater we had a conference call 3.30pm all on track there are three of us awaiting the pills corona and the paperwork is holding them up, man of few words tablet is a FGFRG to be taken until it has hunted down all the tumors shrunken them .
With 8 more weeks to go more hurdles lets hope Rachel can keep me alive…………………………
The hand on my back as always is Kim never faltering i love her so much but never say enough.
Seem to be one of the 1.5 million at home in isolatation but coping well.
Little did i know not only the Cancer we have to fight but COVID-19 aswell
The past few weeks been a mixture of disapointment and hope.
Disapointment my bloods are not recovering as they should be so i cant have Chemo, hence bloods are taken the day before chemo to indicate if we can proceed.
Hope those of you know i went to University College Hospital London three weeks ago to meet Professor Bridgewater who agreed to put me forward for a Liquid Foundation Medicine test (Google it) this test had to be sent to America it involved sending a blood sample. My chances are 1 in 5 in pin pointing the specific cancer which i’ll take that, as explained to me if successful there is a Gene that specifically targets my cancer and its a pill. Last week i had a call from Rachel my consultant at Poole to tell me that Professor Bridgewater had called her and said i was successful and that we would hear from him soon, i can only describe the phone call like winning the lottery i’m still pinching myself. At the moment i haven’t anymore news as paperwork and funding has to be approved but i’m told this isn’t a problem. I don’t know what this actually means to me but when your consultant is so pleased it must be good. We wait.
Moving forward cause i can, find myself watching Jamie Oliver cooking on tv i can do that thinking about the future and how I’ve wasted sooooo much time on the wrong things in life. People you soon find out who your friends are when your in trouble.
Life enjoy be kind to others don’t judge if we come out of this COVID-19 it will have long term implication on all of us………………………………
All my nurses who look after me and the NHS thank you.
Kim who looks after me always there we will go back to Provence.
Music:- Behind the painted smile……IsIey Brothers
So how am i well a couple weeks ago i had a chest infection which lead to my chemo being cancelled for a week .
I had another CT scan which showed no real change.
But it was decided to give me a blood transfusion as to help my anaemia, as per usual i thought that meant hose bucket and a change all of my blood in fact i was wrong as usual it was a pint of blood dripped into my veins heaven, so much so they gave me another two days later. i cant tell you how much that has helped i’m now pink in colour perky and definitely more energy.
Side effects ankles like balloons, stomach swollen weight gone up to 89kg down side i may have to have a drain fitted to remove exceed fluid o deep joy.
Went to therapy on the Wednesday really helpful you can never talk to much LOL.
Still struggling with stairs finding its so hard to kneel down then get up pretty impossible thats hard.
Yesterday 11th March Kim drove me to UCLH London for a meeting with Professor Bridgewater, this was arranged by Rachel my Consultant at Poole. He is a leading expect in bile duct cancer who has bloods analysed and tested, the bloods are sent to america as they cant be tested here in england the results take up to 3 weeks.
The odds are 5/1 finding a the right match but this is the senioro as i understand it.1&2 match take pill targets directly the cancer happy days. 2&3 possible trials of new drug but have to join queue, 5 back to square one. My dream in a box to America below.
So lets start with the facts yes its February up to a couple of days ago it was grumpy February but as usual Kim and weesa have set me straight.
So some facts.
weight 83KGs and going up tick.
mood today 9/10 tick.
Been out driving tick.
getting out more tick.
Went to see consultant Dr Rachel Plant thinks shes warming to me know.
Blood tests have shown i am anaemic theirs a joke there ?
so my colour is white white.
Conclusion give Kim the syringes inject twice in stomach three times a day at home for three weeks O deep joy.
Tumour Marker score 281 down from 310 lets not get excited we have been here before.
Next chemo tuesday 18th February.
Then CT Scan to see whats going on in the words of Marvin Gaye.
Quote:- You cant always be Mr Happy………….Mr Harvey.
Bye Bye if your going if not here’s the last two weeks as MR GRUMPY.
Those of you who think they know me really know me you must of just met me.
Those of you who say your strong you’ll beat this well not sure, as you know my days are usually taken up by doing or fixing something not now.
They are taken up by getting up go downstairs for 10am sit in the lounge watch the birds feeding, read posts on phone and watch the time go by………………………..now that’s not me.
Hence the Mr Grumpy don’t know how kim puts up with my moods.
Any suggestions post address envelope to BH13 7AB.
Highlight of the week my Weesa getting engaged to Emma.
I’m intrigued to who reads these posts as i said when i started my journey they are my thoughts and my moods,it would be nice to put some names against your posts who reads these.
Quote : its easy to switch on a smile and be cheerful but what are you really seeing.
Music: Smokey Robinson………Tears of a clown…………….Deep inside i’m the life of the party you know the rest.
It seems my blood thinner tablet isn’t the problem, my consultant said i could stop taking them this week as i have a week off from chemo but the problem continued so i went back to hospital,firstly i had to fast so i could have my blood taken to test if i was diabetic the result came back NO i wasn’t “was there anything you done different”no not that i can think off except maybe the THREE BOILED SWEETS i sucked to give me energy that morning, that will be it.
Whilst i was there i was sent to see Jason to investigate my cardiac problem, i was given a new ECG test but that came back OK, Tom the doctor who was tasked to investigate then thought it might be thyroid gland but that test came back negative, so back to the body stethoscope in hand it is now thought i have a heart murmur , ultra scan of my heart booked for this tuesday 21st Jan 10.30 am followed by my chemo at 12 noon. At the moment the beta-blockers seem to be working pulse around 84.
Pickled Onions, Bananas are a big no no for me i have never experienced such extreme indigestion after eating these “still learning”hot water bottle and bed . I have asked for the palliative nurse for a home visit Lisa came to see me on Thursday and brought me a diet plan where i was eating healthy i now have full fat milk, bacon sandwiches and anything that will put weight back on. Paine control paracetamol.Lisa returns next week.
Monday 20th bloods and Poole NHS consultant fingers crossed now i am being treated for Bile duct cancer and not pancreatic cancer i show improvement .
My White night Dr Chau is back, original biopsy of my liver has been delivered from Poole to Marsden hospital Sutton to have a more in depth investigation off my bile duct cancer,there are 32 different types, Monday 27th Jan is when i go to Sutton to see him can’t wait.
The past two weeks have been a roller coaster for me testing my mental strength, at one time i thought was broken no hope no one seems to have an idea, then out of the blue Dr Chau re-appears, followed by footballing friends from 20 plus years ago organising a reunion this Saturday thank you Graeme Trevett and the Coventry Arms boys.
Its funny you sure find out who your friends are when the chips are down.
So to conclude back on track Kim and Weesa you never loose faith in me even when im grumpy your strength is amazing.
Music as always Stevie Wonder- Signed Sealed delivered i’m yours.
Quote Roy Hodgson- Quitters Quit Winners Never Quit.
Julie Munn keep smiling.
Until the next time Steve XX
A Good Year 