Today, back to chemo, which really is getting like a convenience to turn up and tick the boxes. frustrated. Bloods okay yesterday, but are you diabetic? I only ask because your glucose is high. no mention of the calcium factor, obviously forgotten that. But, by the way, next time you’re in we want to test your glucose with you fasting. when i arrived today my pulse was 99 – is that usual Mr Harvey? No. is there anything I can do for it? No answer as per usual, let’s move on.
Thought we were having two chemo today. our info card for bookings told us we were, but somebody else had a different opinion. Right or wrong we are not sure as we are not given the information. Just get on with it and tick the boxes. Funny that I seem to experience extreme anxiety whenever I have anything planned to do, be it a small meeting or going to a place, it just seems to overwhelm me. Is there anything I can take for this? No answer. So, all in all, the past couple of weeks since Christmas has been indecisive. I still don’t have a real plan as to how we are moving forward I only have a brief knowledge of what we have ascertained together.
My weight has now dropped to 78kg. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone suggested a dietitian to me to add weight, or maybe I’m not supposed to add weight but just shrink. I don’t think so. My hair is still there, or thereabouts. I find it interesting every time I ask a question that needs a reaction there’s no answer, seems as though I’m ticking all the right boxes, but out of the boxes I am ticking 70% are not answered. I need help with the anxiety. do i go back to the dr? I struggle to walk. but i’m not sure the reason i struggle. Is it in my head. the anxiety needs to be addressed because I am sure this would help my demeanour. yes, i’m still positive and fighting but i don’t know what.
today before the chemo, i tested me swagger out, and it’s still there LOL. My size 36 trousers are now 34″.
we’ve had the reply from the Marsden, which has given me hope. we still need to follow up on diagnosis, has it changed. Hopefully Dr Chau will pick that up soon and Kim is emailing him.
all in all christmas was great, but it seems years away.So here we are, first week into January with no clear plan on how to move forward all we know is we are trying to fight something we don’t know what.
mood today 6/10.
song of the day: stand up for your rights bob marley
second bonus song: Billy preston – we go around in circles
thanks for all the messages and all who’ve come to visit me. much appreciated.
quote: “don’t pat a burning dog”
if you haven’t already, please donate to Maytree.org.uk
A Good Year 