A Guest Post and a Request

When the trees were looking barren in March 2008, yet to adorn their branches with blossom, and the darkness had gone on too long for me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, I sat in a huddle on a Cambridge street in the rain, weeping. I must have looked rough because some kind soul came and thrust a fiver into my hand. I tried in vain to tell them I didn’t need it and so with money in my pocket I felt poorer than I’d ever been. Even that momentary kindness didn’t reach me.

Mental health services wouldn’t help me and I was unravelling fast. With the ounce of hope I had left I called a crisis centre in London. They explained that a crisis admission could take months to happen, which seemed rather absurd, however, they told me about another place in London that offered ‘sanctuary for the suicidal’. The word sanctuary captured exactly what I felt I needed. Somewhere safe and welcoming. I called Maytree Respite Centre immediately to find out more. Based in leafy North London, in a beautiful house, they explained that they offered a free 4 night stay to suicidal people from all over the country. Volunteers were present 24 hours a day and there were therapists there to talk to, too. You could come and go as you pleased, which felt important so that I wasn’t trapped. After an assessment, I took up their offer of a stay.

What I found in this wonderful place was kindness and care of the most basic and vital kind. They sought to make genuine connections with the guests, each of whom had their own cosy bedroom, and didn’t flinch away from the despair and hopelessness we each carried there. You would be forgiven for thinking it might be a depressing place, but it was quiet and containing, and, well, ordinary. It was special for me because it didn’t put you in a bubble from the outside world as hospital can do. You were there because there was a tiny part of you that wanted to survive the unbearable and all of the volunteers and staff were invested in listening out for that as well as fronting up to the desperateness of the situation.

It wasn’t a cure, and I still struggled afterwards, but they helped me to find long-term help, which, ultimately, I owe my life to as well. It is the help that set me on the path I am on now, the help that truly helped. The compassion and empathy of the people at Maytree enabled me to hold on that bit longer. I urge anyone who is feeling suicidal to check them out because they have saved many lives. They also run a help-line service for anyone to call day or night. Their number is 020 7263 7070.

That inner darkness has given way to hues of colour, which are not all rainbows and glitter, but real tones that are as varied as the trees through the seasons.

Dad has asked that we fundraise for a mental health charity and I couldn’t recommend one more than Maytree. They are a small and unique charity and we need more of them around the country. Please give anything you can to keep them running. And if you need their help and want to talk to someone about it, then you call on me anytime, too. It’s important to pay it forward, I think.www.maytree.org.uk